I Want To Write A Blog Post... But I Can't.

Hey guys!

Just wanted to say, I've got a lot on my mind right now, but I also have depression, and it's been coming and going the past few days at random times. So when I have depression, it makes everything unrecognizable. It's like my mind wants to rethink EVERYTHING, and nothing has gone wrong! Imagine you're sitting at a coffee shop with a good friend of yours, talking about life and remembering good memories, and suddenly you feel down. I mean really down. You think, "Why do I feel this way?" You scratch your head, you think about everything you've been doing and the choices you've made, but you can't come up with why you would feel this way. It's like there's a weight on your chest. You pray. You remember God's promises. It seems to help a little, but you still feel like you're in a pit and you could find a blanket and become a burrito of sadness. (haha) It's the weirdest feeling, and it causes you to question and wonder what you're doing wrong. You feel tired. Even exhausted.

It's not something that can just be made better by trying to comfort me. It won't even help if you can relate to me. However, it passes with time and patience and an occasional nap. Of course, some of my deepest questions tend to surface at these times, but I can't trust my emotions, which as a woman is truly frustrating. It reminds me of past struggles in high school, and it makes a lot more sense now! As I've been told, you just gotta muscle through it!

Sometimes I wonder, God why? Why must life be so difficult at times because of the imbalance in my brain? I'm also frustrated with myself. Why can't I just trust Him? That's what I had to do in high school when I couldn't feel His presence and my emotions were all tangled inside. It sounds really simple doesn't it? But as many of you know, it's NOT. It's a huge learning curve, but I will continue to fight for what's right even when I don't feel it (like AT ALL). I'm also reminded of this following verse when I feel weak and unable to do anything right.

When I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10

This is a great opportunity to let God work through this weakness! Please pray that I will let God have His way with me and that I simply trust. Keep holding on! Life is never hopeless! Not when you have the greatest hope residing within you! That's a powerful thought!

Peace to you all!
Keri Lynn