Hiya All!
So JD is back in town (pray that he finds a job), I've got a job that I love, and so much great stuff is happening in my life right now. So why on earth do I have this weight on my chest??? This is all part of having clinical depression and all the other effects it can have on my body. You know when you do something wrong and it feels like you have a weight on your chest? Imagine having that for no reason AT ALL, ALL THE TIME. Luckily it's only been recently I've been dealing with this since I lowered my medication dosage preparing to switch to another medication. I'm hoping to see a doctor soon where I can switch to a medication that covers my symptoms better. Imagine watching a kid's TV show and tearing up while watching it! That is where I am right now, and at least I know that my present medication was doing something when I was taking the full dose. I'm weaning myself off of it since switching medication can be tricky. This isn't just some sort of pain reliever. This is a medication that helps order my hormones within my brain so that I have the normal balance of hormones most people have. It also can mess with my energy, my sleep, my thoughts, and other things. (You can see my previous post about Clinical Depression for more information about that.) I'm also super touchy when I am dealing with this (more so than just my personality), and I don't take personal criticism very well. I think about how terrible I am more than how I can actually fix it. Clinical depression makes me doubt everything and double check all my thoughts since I can't rely on any of my feelings as being true or not true.
So how do I push through this all? Sometimes I just have to push through the pain (ladies, it's like pushing through your period without having Midol) on my chest and constantly pray. Sometimes the thorn never gets taken out just like Paul had to deal with. (Whatever his thorn was.) Sometimes I wonder, why me? I can't tell what's true and what isn't.... This is when my faith becomes more than just the emotions. This is when my faith becomes more than how I feel or my opinion. This is when my faith becomes truth. To be honest, I struggle with doubt like nobody's business when I'm struggling with clinical depression. I doubt my very faith. Sometimes the joy that comes in the morning isn't for several days or even several months. This is like when David held onto God even in the midst of his sin and judgment. I'm sure it didn't feel good at all. (Understatement of the century!)
I started leading a Bible study called "Lord, I Want to Know You" by Kay Arthur for College and Career at my church here in Newnan. I don't think this study could come at a better time for me personally. I'll get to have the truth of my Savior being constantly remembered instead of forgetting the lessons I have already learned. It's like Jill from the Chronicles of Narnia series in the book the Silver Chair. She had to constantly quote her instructions in order to do the right thing and not be pushed off course, and she messed up at times. I will need that same accountability in my life. So if you are a College and/or Career in the Newnan area, I would love to see you at the study! I want to encourage as many people as I can in this adventure we call life. We all have our personal struggles, and we all need to be reminded of how much God has done for us. It's incredible! I also want to go out and share this love with as many people as we can in this lifetime. This story is not about us, it's about HIM.
Also to help me out, I'm going to start making a list of what I have to be thankful for. Even if it's just being thankful for the fact that Jesus has saved me, that is enough. And when I spend eternity with Him, I will never have to worry about the constant plague that can be clinical depression, and that makes me feel at least a little bit better! I gotta keep running this race! Speaking of races... Does anybody know of some awesome races happening soon?
The very first memory verse of this study is here. I think I can definitely hold onto this don't you think?
Proverbs 18:10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
the righteous man runs into it and is safe.
Amen.
Peace to you all,
Keri Lynn
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