So I have something I want to share with you all about myself. I have recently found out that I have clinical depression. If you remember in my previous posts, I said I was dealing with a possible issue, and this is it. The reason I wanted to share was because I would love to have your support, and I want to shed more light on what it actually means to be clinically depressed. Most people look at me as if I am crazy for thinking I am depressed, and I guess from their view point, it would be very surprising. I'm generally an easy going, fun loving kind of young woman, and this is the thing about clinical depression. It is more than just the feeling of "depression." In my case, I think it has more to do with genetics than anything else (my grandma has bipolar). Most of these symptoms I have had.... (Lucking not feeling suicidal though!)
- Diagnostic Symptoms
of Depression in Adults - Emotional Symptoms:
- Sadness
- Loss of interest in things you
once enjoyed - Thoughts of death or suicide*
- Feelings of guilt or
worthlessness - Physical Symptoms:
- Restlessness or slowness of
speech, thought, or activity - Trouble concentrating or
making decisions - Lack of energy
- Changes in weight/appetite
- Changes in sleep
- Associated Symptoms
of Depression - Aches and pains
- Tearfulness
- Excessive worry over
physical health - Dwelling on negative
thoughts - Constantly turning
things over in your mind - Irritability
- Anxiety
- Phobias
Like I mentioned above, I have not been suicidal. I know my worth in Christ, and the thought has not seriously entered my mind. But basically everything else has and is happening in my life. As you can see, it's a lot more than just the feeling of "depression." I think this has been something I have dealt with since high school, but it tends to show up more lately with all the changes going on in my life. Looking for a job, finishing a really tough last semester of college, training for Tough Mudder, etc.
However, I am now trying to focus on what I can be thankful for. I am almost done with college! I have a great and supportive boyfriend and family and church family! I'm healthy! I have a roof over my head! And the best of all? I have a God who is both merciful and just! He is the true reason I don't think my depression has worsened or been unbearable. I've been digging into the Psalms again, a book I became good friends with in high school when I was having doubts about my faith and (even though I didn't know it at the time) dealing with clinical depression. I'd like to share a verse with you that has given me great hope.
Psalm 40: 1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footstepts firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.
Truly, truly this book gives me such hope! Not only did the psalmist have bouts of depression, he still held tightly to his Lord! Even when he messed up! If you have not read the psalms, I highly encourage you to! Especially if you think you too may be dealing with depression or a tough spot in your life! If you think you have clinical depression, feel free to message me! I too need prayer and support. We were not made to be lone wolves in this world.
Peace to you all! (Truly, may there be peace!)
Keri Lynn
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