Worry or Trust? Pride or Humility? Your Choice.

Bonjour mes amies!

I probably shouldn't be writing in my blog right now (I know, I know, procrastinator). I've got a ton of homework and applications to fill out, but I just had to write on what God has been doing in my life recently. I'm sorry it's been awhile since I last wrote, but there's been a lot on my mind, and I just wanted to share some stuff.

Two things I think I am struggling with right now is trust and humility. Two things that are extremely hard for me at times and easier at other times. I'm sure many of you can relate, and I know I'm not alone. When it comes to trust, this can be very hard for me since worrying helps me get things done. It's the cause and effect theory. If I don't do this, something bad will happen, and I will fail. Or, if I do this, something bad will happen, and I will fail. For a real life example, I recently applied for a job thinking I would easily get it. I was wrong. When I got the email saying I hadn't gotten the job, I felt that familiar feeling of failure rise in my chest and tears were soon in my eyes. Then doubts assailed me with other things like applying for the cohort (application due this Friday), and being able to get the C.A. job (Community Assistant) for next year. And that's just from being turned down for one job! I am such a perfectionist that failure really hits a nerve. And that means there's a deeper issue - pride. I think all human beings each have their type of pride. Mine is usually doing everything right and always being right, as if I didn't need God in anything. It really is something I need to work on. Giving up control is hard for me. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be in control! But knowing God knows what's best for me often puts me in my place. Getting that job was obviously not part of His plan, and I should be thankful that He knows what's best for me even when I don't understand the why.

Right now I am also in prayer about this summer. Recently I was challenged with the fact that God may not be calling me to Japan. The two choices before me, at the moment, are interning in Japan and going to Summer Beach Project with Campus Outreach. The person that challenged me was saying that God may very well want me in the place I am going to learn the most. If ya'll don't mind, can you pray that I go where God wills? Both these choices may be what He wants, but I really want to do what He wants more than any man.

I wish I could write more! Stupid school work... haha. But if any of you have any questions or want to share anything, please comment on my blog or on Facebook! I would love to talk to you about anything!

Peace to you all!
Keri Lynn